Is language the source of all misunderstandings?

Saint-Exupéry believed so – and I have to say, I share that opinion. I truly think it’s the case. The reason is both simple and complex: each of us has different perspectives, different pasts, different upbringings. No one is exactly the same. You might meet someone who is similar, but you’ll never meet someone who thinks and reacts exactly like you.

From childhood, we are programmed by our environment, and part of our DNA is pre-programmed as well. The question is always what each person makes of their life and how they develop themselves.

A child who is praised for everything will develop differently than a child who receives no attention. A child showered with love will grow differently than one who never feels affection. It’s a massive puzzle of thousands of pieces and paths, and the result is that every single one of us is completely unique.

That uniqueness often makes language the source of all misunderstandings. What motivates one person might be a disaster for another. What drives one person forward might cause another to freeze. We see this in top athletes and their coaches: when coaches push them to their limits, outsiders might see it as harsh or even cruel. For “normal” people, that approach might cause them to quit – but for elite athletes, it fuels them to push even harder.

What one person considers a compliment might be an insult to someone else. You can also see differences in communication styles between cultures. What’s normal for Europeans might be considered impolite for Japanese people. It all comes down to the “input” we receive in our early years.

The only real solution is communication – in every area of life. You have to talk until you’re truly understood. Many people today assume you “should” know how to speak to them because you supposedly know their background. But you can’t – because their life is a foreign world to you. Even if you try to be empathetic, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve never truly walked in their shoes.

Unfortunately, we live in a time when communication is one of the biggest problems. Everyone talks, but very few speak honestly. When it matters most, people go in circles to avoid offending others. No one says things directly. If people were more straightforward, life would be a lot easier. And one thing that should completely disappear is lying in conversations. When you look at statistics about how often people lie each day, it’s shocking.

I personally have only a few close friends – I can count them on one hand – because I know most people don’t like someone who tells the truth. You have to wrap it in cotton candy, add a ribbon, a card, and a box of chocolates. That’s no longer honesty.

It’s the same in relationships – and here I speak from my job experience. I often wondered, listening to clients, “Why don’t you tell your partner this? Why are you telling me instead?” If more than half of what your partner does and says bothers you, why are you even together? But that’s a topic for another blog.

I simply don’t understand why partners go to their best friend to vent instead of addressing the issues directly with each other. Shouldn’t the problem be tackled at the root?

It seems language as the source of all misunderstandings runs through every aspect of life. Otherwise, a lot of things would work out very differently.

But as always – this is just my opinion.